1. You can lead a horse to water but you can’t make it drink. 

 

This has been my motto lately. I’m sure my friends are sick of hearing about it, and I admit saying it out loud repeatedly makes me feel about thirty years older than I actually am, but it’s true. 

 

2024 was an epic learning curve for me in so many ways. Mental health specifically, I had a friend who was really struggling and spiralling with her mental health and I found myself sort of at a loss as to what to do. I didn’t know how to help her because everything I tried seemed to have fallen on deaf ears. It’s a very difficult thing to navigate when you empathize with how difficult living in a loved one’s brain must be, and all you want to do is help them get better. In my case, offering a safe and judgment-free zone didn’t go as far as I had hoped. The topic of medication was a hostile one, and I was met with anger and breakdowns whenever I offered to help find a therapist. 

 

I’m not going to lie, it was a really hard time for both of us. I loved this person like a sister, but I had to accept the fact that I couldn’t help her in the way she needed. Mental illness is an extremely complicated and heartbreaking condition of life, and it took me a long time and many long nights trying to reason and help support my friend who I couldn’t help get out of the self-destructive cycle she was in to realize my defeat. 

 

It got to a point where my mental health was suffering a lot and I didn’t want to be home and was falling behind on my schoolwork and work because I was just so drained. It broke my heart a little bit to realize any friendship we had was somewhere buried deep under the stress and anxiety of trying not to set her off.

 

I don’t want to pretend to understand what was going through my friend’s mind for the months I tried to help her, but I know it was unimaginable to someone who doesn’t struggle with severe mental health. Empathizing with her can only get you so far before the realization finally hits: you cannot be everyone’s saviour. 

 

After months of a broken friendship and a very uncomfortable living situation, it finally dawned on me that I could not be the person my friend needed. I could not fix all her problems without breaking myself apart. No matter how much I offered to help, you can’t help someone who doesn’t want to help themselves. 

 

Looking back in hindsight on these situations, the best thing I could have done was to tell other people in her support system about how much she was struggling so her people could rally around her so that I could start to put myself back together. 

 

You know, the whole metaphor of putting on your oxygen mask first? 2025 is also the year of metaphors, apparently. 

 

2. Slow the F down.

 

At one point in your life, you wished you were exactly where you are now. I know it’s cliche to preach about living in the moment and it has sort of fallen down the cultural post-ironic rabbit hole of self-help pyramid schemes, but I hate to admit that it’s true. 

 

I’ve written about being in my last year of university ad nauseam and the stress and confusion that comes along with finishing your degree, but now at the tail end of my journey I’m struggling to not wish away the time faster. My four years at university have led me down the best of times and the worst of times. I’ve experienced crippling loneliness and academic panic attacks, to finding a community of the most amazing people working at my school's newspaper. It’s been four years of sacrifice and constant lessons learned. At this point, I have my masters in burnout and PHD in “thuggin' it out.” 

 

And yet, four years ago all I wanted was an independent life where I was in control of my own destiny. Writing here today, I’ve got to live a hundred different lives from then to now and I’ve achieved everything I’ve wanted and then some.

 

But I am still wishing this chapter away so that I can start my next one. The lust for life has finally returned to me as winter prepares for its grand exit, and I’m thankful for the opportunity to appreciate the hard work I have done these past years to find myself in a place where the future is exciting and full of hope. 

 

A future that will be here before I know it, and a future that will have me missing this moment right now. Time drags us all forward whether we like it or not, so this year I am learning not to help it take me faster. 
 

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"Short. Sweet. To the point: I don’t have all the answers but most importantly, I don’t need to have all the answers."
 

3. Some of the biggest mistakes are the best blessings.

 

Man, I cannot preach enough about how the things that I once wanted in life but “failed” to achieve turned out to be the best thing that has ever happened to me.

 

An example I’ve also talked about repeatedly in this magazine is my decision to turn down a study abroad opportunity to pursue a job that would ultimately boost my resume in the long run. I grappled a lot with this huge change of plans and even though I loved my job and all the friends I’ve made along the way, I still felt like a failure. That somehow, my 17-year-old self-applying to Trent University solely because of their study abroad program would be utterly disappointed in the choices that I have made. However, because I was brave enough to challenge what I thought was my right path in life and open myself up to other opportunities, I found myself at the centre of a beautiful life of my creation.

 

The same goes for relationships. I remember spending so much wasted time stressing over boys and picking myself apart when things wouldn't end the way I had hoped. I thought I was a failure, and I thought every failed relationship was somehow a reflection of my self-worth. 

 

Now, looking back I can’t thank the stars enough that my past flings ended. There isn’t enough money in the world to pay me to go back to that place both mentally and physically all in the hopes of some shred of male validation. Every failed relationship eventually led me to a place of self-love and self-worth that opened me up to the possibility of a real, genuine relationship both with myself and my partner. 
 

4. Exercise is a good thing, actually.

 

Growing up I was in almost any and every sport you can imagine. Physical activity was ingrained in me from a very young age to be the most important part of life. It took me years of self-deprecating thoughts that came with competitive sports and a flirtation with an eating disorder to allow myself to step back from the anxiety and pressure to be the best my body would allow, and finally rest. 

 

The mental health struggles that come with athleticism didn’t just go away when I magically stepped back, but rather manifested into teenage angst and horrible body image that I still struggle with from time to time. One lesson that I have learned in my twenties is that I sort of do like moving my body, actually. Who would have thought!

 

I’ve learned through trying different workout routines and always having to stop because it turns obsessive very quickly that exercise, when it is done to reach a goal, doesn't work in my brain. Rather, exercise works for me when it is done to appreciate and take care of the body I am so lucky to call home. It took me a long time of trial and error and constant reminders to take it easy on myself to find a routine and workout that not only made me feel good physically, but mentally.

 

Reshaping my relationship with moving my body has made me an overall happier and calmer person, but it is not without hard mental work. This year as I work to complete a full 365 days of beginning to heal my relationship exercise, it’s a good reminder to take with me that physicality and mentality cannot work if one is over-exhausted.
 

5. I am still learning.

 

Short. Sweet. To the point: I don’t have all the answers but most importantly, I don’t need to have all the answers. I always put so much perfectionism on myself and everything I create that I lose the fun and joy of my career and studies. I always have to be on my A game, which makes me more often than not burnt out and really struggling to crawl my way back to some sense of “productivity.”

 

It’s exhausting, but realizing that I don’t need to have everything sorted out and don’t have to have all the answers for everything I come across has seriously opened me up to the joy of learning that I somehow lost along my academic journey. 

 

There is often power to be found in admitting “I don’t know.” Taking the time to learn and allow yourself to listen will make for a transformative and revolutionary 2025.

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