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by Abbigale Kernya, ​for The 44 North

Managing Editor


The book cover of Gallant by V.E. Schwab
The book cover of Gallant by V.E. Schwab

Genre: Fantasy, Horror, Gothic fiction


I slept in your ashes last night. It was like you laid your shadow down before you left. It smelled like hearth smoke and winter air. I made a blanket of the empty space. I pressed my cheek against the place where yours had been.


V.E. Schwab, Gallant

Whenever I wrap up with a semester, I have a terribly hard time reading. It seems counterproductive given that my entire degree is based around reading novels at an inhumane pace and pumping out 1500 word essays on whatever repeating prompt my professor handed out that week.


In my prime, I could read three novels a week. Now having graduated and spent a month moving back to my parents’ house with more time on my hands than I will ever have again in life, picking up a book is a monumental task. Even on vacation last week, picking out a beach read consisted of me sitting around the bags of books packed up and ready to take on my road trip across the country that felt reminiscent of staring at a blank canvas and waiting for a painting to appear. It was like I had lost a sense of who I am as a reader. 


That is until I remembered my Audible credits that had been building for the better half of the semester and suddenly a glimmer of hope reignited back to my Goodreads reading challenge and I felt that maybe, this could be my chance to get back into the groove. 


I had read V.E. Schwab’s other young adult fantasy books before, and remembered feeling like they had done themselves a disservice by marketing itself to a younger audience. Her writing is as sophisticated as it is dreamy, and I lost myself those years ago drowning in the little worlds she created on the page. When Gallant appeared on my Audible suggested list, it was a no-brainer. 


In V.E. Scwab fashion, the writing in this short stand alone launches it to a new level of magical to a haunting degree. It follows young Olivia as she traces her family footprints from escaping the orphanage she was left at to answering a mysterious note written by her dead uncle—winding up at the very house her mother and father died to keep her from. But after all, how dangerous can a house be when the promise of family outweighs the ghouls that haunt her anyways? If I was plagued by the undead, I know I would want to do it in a mansion surrounded by other, somewhat…peculiar people. 


Olivia comes to a head with her supernatural gift and the challenged Gallant offers her in exchange for a remedy to her loneliness. With her cousin Matthew at odds with her and Olivia at odds with the mysterious curse around her namesake, she undergoes an adventure that could cost her everything with the promise of everything. 


I listened to this book in a matter of days, always looking for excuses to go on walks or lounge by the resort’s pool absentmindedly in order to keep digging this mystery until it reveals itself in an unwinding web of V.E. Schwab’s brilliant storytelling. It was exactly what I needed to get back into reading. The blend of the gothic, mystery, found family, and a generational stain waiting to be cured, Gallant was an easy five star read. 


“I slept in your ashes last night. It was like you laid your shadow down before you left. It smelled like hearth smoke and winter air. I made a blanket of the empty space. I pressed my cheek against the place where yours had been.” 

by Abbigale Kernya, ​for The 44 North

Managing Editor


The book cover of All My Puny Sorrows by Miriam Toews
The book cover of All My Puny Sorrows by Miriam Toews

Genre: Literary Fiction, Psychological Fiction, Canadian Lit


Recommended Age: 16+ readers

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Rating Scale

Educational value: ​​ 4/5

Positive message: 2/5

Positive role models: 2/5

Violence: 5/5

Sex: 3/5

Language: 2/5

Drinking, drugs, smoking: 4/5

Consumerism:​ 1/5

It was the first time that we had sort of articulated our major problem. She wanted to die and I wanted her to live and we were enemies who loved each other.


—Miriam Toews, All My Puny Sorrows

It’s been a really long time since I have had such a visceral reaction to a book. Around a month or so ago, a good friend of mine recommended Miriam Toews’ All My Puny Sorrows after realizing we shared the same love of books that hold the capacity to destroy their reader. 

 

Lately, I’ve been going through a lot of changes in my life—some good, some bad, all equally as frightening. Reading All My Puny Sorrows found me when everything felt so uncertain and self-doubt continuously plagued my psyche in a never-ending spiral of change. The book follows two sisters Elfreida and Yolandi as Yolandi narrates their sheltered religious upbringing in relation to her elder sister’s rebellious grit and desire to find life outside of their community. 

 

I should stop my review now to warn readers that this book is not for the faint of heart, and not for those looking for a happy time. 

 

Elfreida—in all her lust for life and worldwide success as a pianist—wants to die. In the most simplest of ways, Yolandi’s sister doesn’t want to stay alive. Through the book’s narration of Yoli’s perspective, to watch the person she idolizes more than life itself rot in a hospital bed after a failed attempt and balance her role as a sister and friend to the shell of a human once resembling her sister all while dealing with two children and a divorce, All My Puny Sorrows tests the limitations of love; asking just how far will one go to honour those they love even if it kills them, even if it doesn’t.

 

Through motherhood, sisterhood, and childhood, how does one escape genetic sadness? What do you do when the one person on this planet you love more than anything wants to leave it? In a delicate analysis of human suffering, Toews bends the limit of humanity and explores grief as a crash course for unaltering love, and how far family can go to save each other. 

 

There was a moment that caught my breath when I first read it. When Elfreida lies in a hospital bed, she tells her sister there is a glass piano inside her and she’s terrified it will break. I won’t get into my interpretation of this imagery, for that I invite you to pick up a copy and decide for yourself what it means.


I remember approaching the climax of this novel and leaving my house in search of a calmer place to finish. With tear-stained cheeks and a hollow hole in my chest, I closed this novel and sat in silence on the couch in my office. All My Puny Sorrows has left a stain on my soul—one that I cannot thank my friend enough for, and one I cannot recommend enough. 

by Abbigale Kernya, ​for The 44 North

Managing Editor


The book cover of Bluets by Maggie Nelson
The book cover of Bluets by Maggie Nelson

Genre: Poetry, Autobiography


Recommended Age: 13+ readers​

Rating Scale

Educational value: ​​ 3/5

Positive message: 4/5

Positive role models: 2/5

Violence: 2/5

Sex: 35

Language: 3/5

Drinking, drugs, smoking: 4/5

Consumerism:​ 2/5

Last night I wept in a way I haven’t wept for some time. I wept until I aged myself. I watched it happen in the mirror. I watched the lines arrive around my eyes like engraved sunbursts; it was like watching flowers open in time-lapse on a windowsill. The tears not only aged my face, they also changed its texture, turned the skin of my cheeks into putty. I recognized this as a rite of decadence, but I did not know how to stop it.


―Maggie Nelson, Bluets

What happens if you fall in love with a colour?

 

Bluets by Maggie Nelson has been on my reading list for quite some time. In all honesty, I have been in the worst reading slump arguably in my life. In tandem with entering my final year for my bachelor’s degree, I feel a strange sort of grief following me wherever I go.

 

I wasn’t sure what book I would write about for this issue. I hadn’t read anything, and nothing finished on my bookshelf felt exciting enough. It wasn’t depression that clouded me, but like I said before, a type of grief and misplaced nostalgia weighed me down.

 

Change is scary, it’s inevitable and never quite predictable. One night, as I was laying in my bed in the soft hours of the night wide awake, and I locked eyes with Bluets on my nightstand and finally felt the urge to read.

 

Nelson writes a philosophical exploration of heartbreak, static suffering, and human connection channelled through the colour blue. The novella begins with Nelon’s exclamation that she has fallen in love with a colour, which hangs in the background of her personal essays into seemingly mundane and rather insignificant moments in life, until the presence of her hue interrupts back into the frame.

 

A reminder that the attachment to blue—love, agony, pain—exists all around us, even if sometimes hidden behind bus stops, laundry lines, or behind a lover’s closed eyelid. 

 

It’s a poetic lyrical masterpiece that bottles unimaginable human emotion into one shade of cool. Finally, I felt seen again in literature. Blue began appearing in my life, my walk to work, loose socks forgotten on my floor, my boyfriend’s eyes. Had I fallen in love with a colour too? Had I stolen something so personal to Nelson and plagiarized it? What does it mean, then, to be blue?

 

Bluets is a melancholic poetry-prose collection tied together by one author’s memories as a young adult. Being in your twenties is a wildly confusing time of life. The loneliness and constant internal struggle to find yourself, and try to uncover what that even means. It’s a time to reflect on teenage heartbreak and decide whether or not forgiveness means them or you—to move through each day not entirely sure how you managed to get here. 

 

Where did all this blue come from? Was it always around me?

 

Nelson is a master at her craft, truly. I know I am not alone in my appreciation for literature that understands the complexities of the void that is being a young adult, and I truly cannot emphasize the genius of her work enough. It’s been a while since a book has stared back at me, and if you were to read any of the books I recommend, let it be this one.

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